As I sat in my room trying to figure out the meaning of life, something I often do, I was interrupted with the sound of the train outside my bedroom window. Instantly, my mind flew back to my first night in Asia. A 16 hour train ride from the capital city through several rural areas in Thailand. I was reminded the sense of empowerment that accompanies being alone in a new world with my only constant company being a well worn suitcase ready to burst at the seams. Thinking back to that moment, I question whether anything/anyone can truly discourage me again. Am I really afraid of the tiny, everyday obstacles life keeps throwing my way anymore? But the fact that I lay there in my room, filling with anxiety with not yet knowing all of the worlds mysteries, I find the answer is yes. There are two sides to me. One that can easily be manipulated with empty netflix binges, numbingly consuming weeks of my life. And another that has an almost vicious need to learn everything about everything, in order to make inumerous impacts that changes the world. I’ve walked up to a cross road. And the train is relentlessly heading my way.
the screeches from the speeding medals fills loudly in the head as i try to decide which way to go. i briskly turn my head left and right, glancing down both directions with gaping eyes, frantically trying to choose which path to take. which will provide the faultless journey? the problem now is that both tracks appear identical. the two were similarly created to morph the vision to bliss those newly fabricated moments, only to change drastically once the corner turns. the train speeds closer, leaving seconds between complete engulfment. i desperately shout at the world, begging for any secrets of wisdom and advice. instead the train moves closer, allowing me to feel its heat radiated from the front lights. the time has come to choose. do i jump left or do i jump right? neither direction can leave a single guarantee yet there are so many swelling voices that shout toward a parlicular path, claiming it to have been their foundation to a fulfilling life. i bend my knees, preparing my body for the leap. i close my eyes, and jump. the world rests a few moments and then i’m awakened with the alarming sensation of movement. my body rumbles along with the steel machine i now find myself in. i surprisingly discover i’m neither at the left nor right trail. the choice was made not to flee from the operative means of movement so many feel they’re required to repulse. but rather join the norms total contrast. to embrace its unpredictable ride. to directly face all opposition and hop on the train. to peer out its window with intense eagerness, locating a new light. and to follow it. wherever it may lead.